By Diksha Singh
Ever felt that there are two people living inside you?
Like there is a constant battle that has been going on since the time you can’t even recall? I certainly do. There was a part of me that has always felt lonely and just wanted to run away from everything (no idea where to) and the other part that wanted to be around loved ones and talking to them how I feel, but just never could…. I always felt trapped in my own thoughts.
HOW DID I FEEL?
- It was where I felt lonely even being in the middle of a strange crowd or a group of friends, didn’t matter!
- I would feel too excited over the smallest things in the world, like a butterfly maybe. And then, there was a phase where I would cry my eyes out just because I wanted to, the anxiety just took over me.
- I could feel myself drowning in it every now and then! I was feeling devastated most of the time.
- I’ve always felt that there is something broken inside of me, I just couldn’t figure it out.
I always dreamt of being an independent girl like my mother since my father was actively serving in the Indian Army back then (now he’s retired). I am a single child, and maybe being the only child had something to do with my own insecurities, imposter syndrome, and whatnot I guess.
HOW DID MY JOURNEY START, YOU’RE ASKING?
- Well for starters; I remember being told by a teacher to pen it all down whenever I feel these emotions are overwhelming.
- Other than writing journals, I pushed myself into art therapy.
You may want to read this: Positive Ways to Heal Yourself
It worked and I did yield good results. I would get so indulged that mostly I’d just lose track of time (for an unknown reason I can only do it while the stars are awake and the moon out there shines perfectly). Over the years, I became better at what I draw, not perfect but better.
HOW DO I RELATE TO PEOPLE OUT THERE?
I am very well aware and experienced firsthand that none of this is easy as it is often said. People like me have always been told to talk out their emotions, yet again it isn’t always the case. It doesn’t just come naturally for people to just pour their hearts out.
However, there is always the first step towards your own betterment, towards your own peace. Here I have strongly believed lately that it’s “you” who has to take that step. People around you can only encourage you so much but in the end, you have to be the one to put yourself back together.
It is up to you if you want to carry on with your life like a burden on yourself or get out of the shell.
THE CLOSURE ABOUT THESE FEELINGS WOULD ALWAYS ASK YOU TO REMEMBER:
- You are never truly alone; someone will always be by your side. If you can’t see them, feel them.
- Life itself is a blessing, know that someone, somewhere was not / has not been as lucky as you.
- Gratitude is a necessity; however, it isn’t something that can exist forcefully.
- Appreciate the smallest of things, celebrate even the smallest of a success.
- Take baby steps towards that path of self-love. It may seem a long one, but with every step you take, you are getting closer to what you look forward to.
- YOU CAN DO IT!
- Also, maybe try sitting under a full-moon and the stars while gazing through the open sky. This one is completely personal and has worked wonders for me. (it may or may not work for you, but who’s keeping the count of the methods you try)
- Second, also tried and tested – try getting yourself a scented candle, preferably a handmade one, they’ll have a much soothing effect. Play some soft music (old, slow & instrumental works best for me) and close your eyes. Think about yourself and how much love you deserve.
Now, this may or may not be relatable to you as a reader, however, the ones who can relate, I am sure, they’ll agree. I hope you love yourself more and more with each passing day.
Diksha is currently working in a US-based company of Staffing and Recruitment. She is not a professional writer; however, she has been writing her journals since 2008, and guess what…. she still has all of them! Diksha does revisit any one of them from time to time and it brings her much more confidence to continue following the path of self-reflection and self-improvement.
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